Aug 26, 2018

summer updates (good enough II)

To make a long story short, I left annaish again because I couldn't write. I spend my June looking at a blank computer screen for hours; trying to write a single blog post. It was so frustrating because I had really good ideas !!! (3 pages of a google doc to be exact) but I couldn't write anything without cringing. So, I took some time away from annaish.

I still feel guilty about my hiatus because I do love blogging. annaish is where I can truly express myself and I never want to leave my blog in the dust. It's just harder for me to brainstorm, plan, write, and share a blog post now. And I can't pull off the famous "hey-guys-i'll-be-back-in-a-month-with-new-content-!!!" anymore. I'm getting older and I really need to take care of my mental health, which means longer hiatuses.

I feel like I say this all the time but, I always set the bar too high for myself. For example, I showed my art teacher one of my practice sketches and said "Well, I want to burn it but I guess it's better than my other sketches." My teacher laughed but the longer I looked at the sketches, the more I actually wanted to burn them. They were inaccurate and messy and I wanted to rip them up so badly. I'm like an insecure perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect but nobody can know. Nobody can see my mistakes. Nobody can help me.

So yeah, I'm exhausted! I tend to bottle this stuff up but, sooner or later, it all comes out. After having an art-related mental breakdown, I told my art teacher how I was REALLY feeling about my art. I think he was overwhelmed but he was super nice about it. I guess being honest does help my mental state?!? Anyway, I hope this makes sense. I left annaish because I wasn't happy with my writing style and my overall image. I always push myself for change but my brain thinks it can be done overnight? I don't know man but I'm glad I took a long break. I needed the time to regroup myself and find out what I truly wanted from annaish.

Okay, that's all the angsty stuff I have................. for now. This might surprise you but I did have a good summer! I left my house and did... stuff! I compiled a few of my favorite moments:

• I came out as biromantic asexual !!!! Well, sorta. I haven't told anyone irl (.......yet.......) but I guess I came out to myself? I don't know but this huge weight is finally off my chest. So, in case you didn't know, biromantic asexual is someone who is romantically attracted to two (or more!) sexes/genders. This label describes me perfectly. 😌

• I dyed my hair purple and I'm SO happy with it. I mean....... my hands are always purple.... and whenever I sweat... my sweat is purple.......... but it's all good fam !!! 💜

• My childhood friend came over to my house for a whole week and it was the best thing ever. We rarely see each other because our houses are like 6 hours apart but we finally met up again! We did so much (went to the beach, saw Infinity War, played video games... you name it, we did it) and I'm so glad I saw her this year. 😇

• I also met up with my other friend and we had a fabulous time together! We went to the mall and had lunch there. I felt really happy the whole time, which was GREAT, because I was so anxious that day lmao. And, she'll probably kill me for this but, maybe read her fanficion? It's so good asfhbksdufbj 🤧

• And shoutout to my other irl friends and online friends !!!!!!!!! I love y'all 😘

SO, my family and I took a bunch of day trips this summer and they were so fun. We went to the zoo, aquarium, and a few festivals. And I bought my camera on all the trips and I have over 300+ pictures? Maybe? Help? 😵

• I volunteered at my library and it wasn't *that* exciting. I worked at the summer reading program desk but, since I didn't have a lot of people, I read a lot and worked on my Goodreads reviews. Yeah... I didn't do a lot but, hey, the fall programs is right around the corner! 😉

Less exciting news but I got obsessed with The Legend Of Zelda: Breath of the Wild over the summer. It's easily my favorite video game EVER. The graphics and storyline are so beautiful...... ugh.......... I love it so much. I'm also obsessed with movies right now. I've been trying to watch a movie everyday and ehhhh I'm getting there !!! Love, Simon is my current fave and I have no shame. 😍

 This summer I found out that I have quite the green thumb! I planted pumpkins, tomatoes, carrots, sweet peas, and sunflowers in May(ish) and wow they sure grew !! I already harvested the carrots and sweet peas but my pumpkins and tomatoes are going strong. My sunflowers recently bloomed and THEY ARE SO PRETTY. I almost cried when I saw them. 😭 

Compared to other people, I didn't do a lot this summer. I mostly stayed home and did small tasks per day, bUT I'm trying hard not to mentally beat myself up about it. No more self-loathing in this household. 🙅 

This fall should be very Interesting. I'm taking two college classes on campus and I'm excited but very very very nervous !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and anxious !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've only taken one college course (online) so big change for me. (update: my classes are going okay and i joined a pride club 😋) I also plan on remodeling my room in September because we aren't moving? and I thought we were? So that's cool. And I'm very excited about October because a) i'm going to my very FIRST concert (guess whoooo), b) V.E Schwab will be on tour,,, bless up, c) our local young adult book festival will be happening !!!, and d) the THUG movie will be out and i'll see it opening weekend (well, maybe). Fall 2018, here we come.

Thank you so much for reading! 💓💕💖💗💘💞💝 Life is crazy but at least I have you bookaholics!!! P.S... do you like the new design?



    Idk why but I felt like crying while reading this post? Actually, I do know why! IT'S BECAUSE I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU, I COULD JUST BURST. <333333 First of all... Your new design? *fans self* Gorgeous. Second; I am so happy that you did a lot of self-discovery this summer. I feel like that was how my summer was as well. Discovering yourself is long and complicated and maybe we don't always figure it out. I'm 21 and I'm still trying to figure myself out but you know, we have our whole lives to do that. And... idk man, I'm just *so* proud of you.

    ALSO, I LOVE YOUR PURPLE HAIR!!! OH MY GOSH, IT SUITS YOU SO WELL! <3 I seriously can't get over how it matches your new design asdfghjkl. And the best of luck to you with your college courses- you are going to do amazing! I know how it feels to be overwhelmed or nervous. TRUST ME, I DO. I'm just starting my first *real* job and gahh even though it's kind of exciting, it's still nerve-wrecking because I'll be working around a lot of... *whispers* people. o-o

    And thank you for being so open about your mental health. I love it when people talk about it because it makes me feel not so alone. I related to the first part of this post SO FREAKING MUCH LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. This year I've been going through a *really* hard time with self-doubt and basically HATING everything I created. I stopped working on my Etsy shop because of it and I almost bursted into tears while talking to my mother about it. The artist life is not an easy one, my friend. But we're in this together and you are not alone. <3


    xx Kenzie |

    p.s. I now have to get used to calling you "Purple Haired Anna" instead of "Blue Haired Anna" when talking about you to Lila (I have another friend named Anna hehe)


      Honestly, I almost cried several times while writing this post. I feel like my self-discovery journey just started but I'm feeling way more confident about it. Very true! Just remember to be kind and patient with yourself. Like I said before, no more self-loathing in this household!!! 🙅

      THANK UUU FBKJSDF I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Yeah, my classes just started but everything is going good. OMG GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR JOB!!!!! Ugh, people. You either love them or hate them. 😂

      Awwwwww oh my god Kenzie I love u. 😭 Mental health is SO hard to talk about but I'm trying to be more open about it. Ugh I felt the same way about my artwork. But, for all it's worth, I think your bookmarks are amazing. Definitely!! I have your back, girly. <3

      p.s omg that's so cute i love you guys

    honestly having purple hair seems really cool! (and having purple sweat? even cooler.)
    love simon is such an amzing movie omg, and breath of the wild i such a good game too!

    1. HELLO FELLOW BIROMANTIC ASEXUAL!! *HIGH FIVES YOU BACK* It is haha I've gotten so many compliments about it. Love, Simon and BOTW are my top summer favorites right now. So glad you like them too!

  3. Anna! The new design is beautiful, and I think it might even be my favorite one yet. First of all, I missed your posts, but it is always the priority to take care of yourself first, before anything else. And are you kidding me??!! You did SO MUCH this summer! I also worked the summer reading desk at my library for two summers and I had a great time, but it is a lot of free time to read. And SUPER BIG CONGRATS on coming out to yourself and us! It's harder sometimes I think to admit things to ourselves than it is to other people. Plus, I love the purple hair. Your photos are beautiful and I also took hundreds on hundreds when I went to New England this summer. I am so happy to be reading your posts again <3

    1. MINE TOO. It's just so... me! Awww geez I guess I did. I felt like I procrastinated a lot but it's all good. THANK U SO MUCH. Definitelyyyy. I ~sorta~ came out to my mom but I haven't told my siblings yet augyhbsf it makes me so anxious. I'm floored by your compliments!!! Thank you so much for your endless love and support Erin. 💓💕💖💗💘💞💝

  4. "I'm like an insecure perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect but nobody can know. Nobody can see my mistakes. Nobody can help me." >>> This shook me to the core because my brain screamed "ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO". Gosh it's so good not to be alone.

    I've missed you in the blogging world! Goodness, we need to chat more often. Also, the purple hair and the new design are giving me the fangirl squeals. I adore these new changes! I'm actually planning on going mint (hair wise) myself, so yay for the dyed hair squad!

    Here's to the college life, self-discovery, and mental health. You rock :)

    1. I can't believe you quoted me omg. I'm so glad you understand!! I MISSED U TOO ROSIE. Thank you, purple is my new favorite color. Dyed hair squad 4 forever! That mint color sounds amazinggg. Cheers!! You do too. 😘

  5. Yesssssssss obsessed with your new design and this entire post!! Congrats on coming out and all of that stuff sounds so fun! ALSO PURPLE HAIR I LOVE THAT SO MUCH I'VE WANTING PURPLE HAIR FOREVER.

    Nabila | Hot Town Cool Girl

    1. Thank you so much !! Awww, purple hair is the best hair am I right?